Narrative 4.1

We All Need Somebody

I hate air conditioning in cars.  I always prefer windows, but especially in our family minivan, the AC makes the car smell like stale bread.  So even on a sunny, 85 degree August afternoon in the summer of ‘09, I’ve got all my windows down, my “Favorites” playlist on my iPod blasting tunes, and I’m as happy as can be while doing my daily deliveries.  This is my first time doing this particular route, even though I have been working now for almost two months.  Following the directions on my GPS, I pull into the driveway of an old but relatively well kept house.  I turn off the car and pop the trunk to unload the meals for the day.  The smell of processed food combined with plastic fills my nostrils as I retrieve the hot meal and soup, and then the cold bag lunch. 

After walking up the path and knocking on a screen door, an elderly man in his 70’s appears in the doorway, wearing sweatpants and a sweatshirt with a long brown pipe hanging out of the corner of his mouth.  His name is Edmund Pesta.  I can barely see ten feet into the room because of the think smoke puffed from his pipe, but I could make out a TV on with the news in the background, and that was about it.

I introduce myself and tell him that I am a courier for the Meals on Wheels (MOW) program in association with the American Red Cross and ask if I should put the meals in any specific location, as some clients do.  He takes the meals and just puts in next to him on a desk.  Before the customary “thank you” and my reply of “your welcome” and “have a good day,” Edmund asks me where I go to college.  This throws me off initially because if the other regulars tried to start a conversation, it would be “wonderful day out” or some other generic conversation starter, not my personal life.  Of course I oblige him, and all clients who engage in conversation for that matter, and inform Edmund that I am still in high school and looking at colleges presently.  I told him the list of schools and it seemed that he wanted to continue talking, but since I had waiting patrons, I cut the conversation cut and continued on my route.

I did not know it at the time, but I would be running that route for the remainder of my three weeks while working for MOW.  “The Meals On Wheels Association of America is the oldest and largest national organization composed of and representing local, community-based Senior Nutrition Programs in all 50 U.S. states, as well as the U.S. Territories” (Meals, par. 1).  I was brought into this program as soon as I had a license by a family friend, Debbie Hoagland, who is the coordinator of the Hightstown, East Windsor and the Greater Princeton Area in central New Jersey.  I delivered hot and cold meals to mostly elderly people who were either unable physically or unable financially to afford it.  When I met the other couriers in my area, I was honestly surprised at the demographics of the group.  Most would be considered senior citizens themselves, but they were the most dedicated and kindhearted people I have ever met.  There was one man in his 80’s named Cliff, who said he was going to quit because he was getting too old—he has been saying that for 30 years.  The MOW group, consisting of about a million to just fewer than two million participants, is the largest all-volunteer mass in the nation (Meals, par. 3).  The mission statement and purpose for the MOW is so that “no senior goes hungry” (Meals, par. 1).  Any senior can sign up for this service; there is a set fee, but no one is denied due to financial troubles.

Three weeks later after my first encounter with Edmund, I turn onto the familiar side street in Princeton Junction and pull into dude’s driveway.  Over the weeks, our conversations have grown in matter and length; so much that clients later on in the route asked if I was injured in a car accident or got lost because I was so late.  Our conversations consisted of what my plans were for college and sports, and life in general.  We spoke of ways of living life to the fullest and having no regrets in choices we consciously make.  Trying not to choke on the tangible fog of fumes in the living room, we spoke about my family; and then we talked about his family.  We talked about how his entire family had moved away from him, leaving his only contacts in the outside world the TV, the occasional neighbor sighting—and me.  On the last route that I did before heading back to school, I told Edmund that he would be receiving meals from another courier and what he did that afternoon brings out emotions that I still recall today.  He simply shook my hand.  But it was a handshake with meaning. I felt the deep need for connection and thanks for the time I have spent with him.  It was at this point that I understood that the reason he talked for so long was not just that he enjoyed talking, because he did, but that there was no one else for him to talk to.  This realization was very emotional for me as I understood the importance of togetherness and the values of having someone to talk to always close by.

When i take the last of the meals of out the trunk i understand what i have just done and immense satisfaction comes over me.  Not only have i delivered the sustenance necessary for two meals, but i have brightened up everyone’s day on my route.  I can confidently say this because of the smiles and friendly conversation we make, and not just for a second, but for the rest of their day.  I believe this relates to all the elderly people living alone without the opportunity to have someone brighten their day or even just keep them company.  Thomas Coleman is the Executive Director of Unmarried America, a nonprofit information service for unmarried employees, consumers, taxpayers and voters.  In 2006, he published his article, “Home alone: more seniors living solo,” dealing with the increased number of one person households.  According to the 2006 Census Bureau, there are about ten million men and women above the age of 65 who are living alone; three quarters of that ten million are senior women (Coleman par. 3).

Coleman continues to say that the main problems with seniors living alone are poor nutrition, lack of public transportation and psychological effects.  Due to lack of support and care in their lives, seniors rarely have the time or effort to make a full meal and therefore, become malnourished; this only worsens serious health issues.  Lack of public transportation is a major problem, especially in suburban or rural areas, because it denies the seniors contact with other people and live independent lives.  If the senior is living alone because of death or divorce, there are psychological side effects that need to be addressed (Coleman, par. 5-11). 

There is always the option of assisted living, which can eliminate all the problems above.  Retirement Living Group is Utah’s most experienced Assisted Living provider.  On the site, there are videos explaining the changes that have occurred in their lives since moving to these assisted living centers.  Although this center is in Utah and not representative of the entire nation, the residents speak of the assisted living centers in general, not specifically about this community.  The first video is about what would have happened if seniors had not moved to assisted living.  These people admitted to not eating properly and talking care of themselves, therefore they did not want to move, see anybody, do anything or go anywhere.  One man spoke of how he could not drive to get to a shopping center, the movies and dances or see friends.  They all spoke of the difficult choice it was to move from their original residence, but their increased enthusiasm, quality of life and personality burst out of them through the video.  One woman got very emotional and started to cry on camera as she explained that if your loved one passes away, it is very difficult to overcome alone.  She explained that having some place to be with people that support you is the best sense of togetherness she has ever felt (Retirement, n.p).

In another video on the how the physical limitations have been removed since moving to assisted living, the seniors explained that they were not alone or isolated anymore; they could enjoy companionship of others and live life to the fullest.  They also spoke of public trips to zoos, shopping malls and other events in town that were of interest to residents (Retirement, n.p).

            My grandpa, Cal Prine, is now 83 and living in an assisted living community in Granville, OH.  The summer before I delivered MOW in ‘08, my grandma passed away from cancer in the medical facilities at the center.  Talking into consideration now distraught he was, the center helped immensely with the coping of his loss.  In reaction with this, he created The Muggers, a monthly men’s gathering for breakfast and special presentations.  He is currently the President of the Residence Council, which has responsibilities over internal funds, government of the community and new groups that express interest.  I fully believe that his access to all that these communities have to offer helped in the mourning period and without it, he would be lost all alone in a world of hurt. 

The awareness of seniors living alone and the struggles they have to undergo every day could be much less draining if they knew family was close by or even if they had friends in a community to support them.  The increasing numbers of senior single residences needs to be addressed before we lose our loved parents or grandparents, and regret how little we were involved with their lives.  Consider helping your loved ones out and move them into community centers where they can live their own lives.  If not, then a simple visit, phone call or gesture of compassion is better than nothing. Who knows, you might brighten up their day. It worked for me.

Works Cited

Coleman, Thomas. Home alone: more seniors living solo. Unmarriedamerica.com. 17 Jul 2006.

Web. 19 Apr 2011.

The Meals On Wheels Association of America. Mowaa.org. 2011. American Red Cross. Web.

19 Apr 2011.

Retirement Living Group. Rlg.net. n.p. Web. 19 Apr 2011.